August 12, 2002

Cap'n Nicole's Tales of the Sea(World).

I'm so damn The current mood of augustdreams at

Arr, mateys. The Sea(World), she was angry that day. 103 degrees in the shade and tourists expiring faster than inferior brand lunchmeats. Y'arr, and the ones that didn't expire were slowly cooked by the sun, Hawaiian shorts and I heart Florida shirts just a'burstin' into flames. The smell was nauseating. Then a woman, with a wild look in her eyes, me mateys, accosted me. "Where be the kiddie rides!??!" she demanded. "Arr, step back before I flibber your jibbets!" I replied in me own mind. On the outside I said "Get ye to Shamu's Happy Harbour, matey. There they be water to splash in and tubes to crawl through." Arrr, she was an evil, evil woman! A demon of the Sea if I ever saw one. And she cried "No! I want the kiddie rides! The little airplanes and the carousel!" Thinks me to me own self "Arrr, yer not at Disney World ye Lobster-faced Troll!" Says I to the Sea Hag "I'm sorry, Ma'am. We don't have kiddie rides."

Oh me mateys, I saw a look of pure rage cross her barnacled face. "Avast! The Hag's gonna blow!" I thought. Instead she declared, in a voice that made me want to stuff me ears with Sea Slugs, "I'll find SOMEONE ELSE to show me where the kiddie rides are!" Trust me, matey, we have no kiddie rides in the Sea(World). I never saw the great, white hag again. For she wandered off into the horizon. I thought to meself "Y'arr. I'd like to make her walk the plank." I'm going to put that in the suggestion box, matey. What the Sea(World) needs is a plank. Y'arr.

And here I am, again. Back I go today, because the Sea(World), she calls to me. She says "Come, come Cap'n Nicole. Come and be paid by the hour, rub Stingray tummies, frolic with Dolphins, and be accosted by crazy tourists." [Note: Arr. She probably should have left out that last part. That doesn't inspire me quite as much.]

In other news, this is day 5 of my work-eight-days-in-a-row stretch. I'm so tired I can hardly see straight. Spirit willing! Body...weak! Have a great night and thanks for reading.

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