August 11, 2003

Zen

I'm so damn

Work was good. I'm feeling a lot more like me today. It feels like I've been trapped in this shell of hurt and anger for the past couple of weeks. Even when I wanted to break out of it, I couldn't. I had to force myself to reach out to the people I love. I knew that would help, and it did.

I need extra $$, so I worked today (my scheduled day off) filling in for one of the restroom people who is on vacation. Basically I had two Diznee-sized bathrooms to take care of, and I swear it was like therapy. Making all the mirrors and counters sparkle, keeping everything clean and refilling paper towels etc., it was just so soothing. It was a 10 hour shift and my mind was kept so busy by the work that I felt like I was in some sort of zen state. (Zen and the art of cleaning bathrooms???)

I was in a part of the park where rock music plays in the restrooms all day long. At the end of the day, when we were closed and I was alone, I danced with my broom to "Crocodile Rock". :) Ever sing in a big 'ole bathroom? Your voice echoes in that same singin'-in-the-shower way.

It's funny, those little moments in life. The strange, solitary ones where it's just you and the energy that inhabits the universe, the essense of everything living. Am I making sense? As an example, I can still vividly remember putting gas in my car a couple of years ago. I had just finished when a monarch butterfly landed on my shoe. I just felt such a sense of peace and appreciation for the world. Another time I felt that way was at nero MA. My friends and I were sitting beside the lake, and I went a little ways off to lie down under a tree. Just the way the sun hit the water, and the scent of the tree, gave me that feeling. Tonight, it came from dancing with a broom. That feeling is one of the many small things that make life so worth all the pain and bullshit.

Have a great night and thanks for reading.

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