March 17, 2003

Ode to A Toilet

I'm so damn

T is for all the Times we've spent together.
O is for Oh, I love you so!
I is for I find your padded seat a pleasure,
L is for I Love the way your porcelin seems to glow!
E is for Every time that nature calls you're there,
T is for you, humble Toilet, just to show you that I care.

Lose your tummy by April 16th

Has anyone not seen that silly ad? On behalf of tummies everywhere, including my own, I strenuously object! Not only are tummies quite useful, we'd all look a little funny without 'em. What with our ribs resting on our hip bones and all.

In other news, did you know that everyone who reads my diary is obliged to worship me? At least according to a rude guestbook signer. How come nobody told me? Here and I could've been demanding elaborate ceremonies and sacrificial Mimes! Yes, O rude one. Truly, I think I'm perfect. Bow down to me, bitch. *snerk*

Have a great day and thanks for reading.

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