May 27, 2005

Not a Superhero

I'm so damn The current mood of augustdreams at

Hello panic attacks. It's been a long time! Sit down, grab yourself a drink. Wanna watch the scrambled porn channel?

Okay. So lately? The panic attacks have made me their bitch. It just pulls me under. I'm sad, scared and miserable. I don't want to get into what triggered it because well, obviously, that would trigger another one. But FUCK, man. Does it ever end? All it takes is some stupid, simple little thing to bring it back and it breaks me. And I think I can't take this feeling. Not for another hour. Not for another minute. Not for another second. I can't hurt this much. I'm not strong enough to get through it.

But there's no other choice. I don't get through it because I'm some amazingly strong superwoman. I get through it because all you can do is ride it out. But right now I'd really rather just collapse.

God. Now I'm lying in my diary. Okay. THAT can't happen. I do have a reputation to maintain! I mean, come on people. I write about sock shopping and my idea for a porno called "Dude, Where's My Buttplug?" - people expect a certain degree of style and luminating discourse when they come to these hallowed halls. So time to make with the brutal honesty. I feel like I'm going to fall apart this time. But hey, I'm still making jokes about buttplugs right? I'm sure that's a good sign. If the day ever comes when a buttplug isn't funny, then I'll worry. I'll be okay. I just needed to get this out. Much love to y'all. Have a good night and thanks for reading.

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