March 30, 2004

Smurf Reproduction?

I'm so damn The current mood of augustdreams at

I have a question. One that has plagued mankind throughout the ages... or since the mid-80's anyhow. What the hell were Smurfs? They didn't look much like people, yet they weren't exactly animals. What sort of Lovecraftian horrors spawned a crapload of teeny blue guys with oddly-shaped heads who live in mushrooms? And why was there only one Smurfette? How did they procreate? Papa Smurf was way too old to have been the progeny of Smurfette. Did they ritually sacrifice all but one female every few hundred years? Sick little bastards!

Maybe they were like Bees. Perhaps Smurfette would eventually build a cocoon and emerge from it bloated and oozing some form of sustenence for the rest of the hive? Or maybe they were all hermaphroditic entities of a sort, and every spring their bodies would produce both sperm and eggs, which they'd leave in the form of unsightly, gooey clumps on Gargamel's prized Begonias! If that's the answer, then Smurfette was some sort of freak, the result of a malformation in her animated chromosomes that caused her to sprout blonde hair and develop a high-pitched voice.

Oh, dear God! A horrible thought just entered my mind. Who wants to bet me five bucks that there's slash fanfic about the Smurfs out there somewhere? I'd like to do a search for it to satisfy my curiosity, I'm just not sure I'd ever be the same again if I happened across fanart of smurf orgies. *shudder*

This informative, essential entry was brought to you by the good folks here at Augustdreams. Bringing you only the best since 2000.

Have a Smurfy day, and thanks for smurfing!

previous | next

Love the Bad Guys? Join my diaryring.

miss something?

Contest - 06 July 2012
Facebook! - 14 January 2010
naughty diary - 17 December 2009
Top 10 Horror - 21 October 2009
All ya need is love... bum ba da da da... - 20 October 2009

Get Notified: