20 May 2006

People Who Annoy Me Volume I

I'm so damn The current mood of augustdreams at www.imood.com

LONG week at work. And since the FMS is flaring up and making me hurt, I decided some snarkiness is in order. It's good for the soul! Please feel free to share the people who annoy you. If we all bitched about annoying people, the world would be a better place. Okay, maybe not. But it's fun.

The People Who Annoy Me Rant
Volume I

1. People who won't shut up about their no-carb lifestyle. I'm glad you've found something that works for you and that you're happy. Really. But shut the fuck up about it already, and stop acting like a member of some freakish cult trying to make a True Believer out of me. Don't make me stab you with a Twinkie.

2. People who cough and sneeze in public and make no effort to cover their nose and/or mouth. Dude, what the hell? My immune system sucks, and you're gonna make me sick. But even if that wasn't an issue, it would still be revolting. Stop it.

3. People who scream at their children during kiddie sporting events. What the hell is wrong with you people!? It's a GAME. It's supposed to be FUN. You're screwing up your kid and making yourself look like a jackass. Nobody cares if little Slappy Jr. hits a home run or not. Lives do not hang in the balance. Why don't you do us all a favor and try to raise your kids to be decent, caring human beings instead of the kind of people who think athletic shoe commercials contain the truths of life and who will undoubtedly be on the five o'clock news one day, standing on top of a K-Mart with a rifle. All because you couldn't keep your big mouth shut.

4. Companies who refuse to use the word Customer. People who come into the restaurant are not my "guests" - I didn't invite them, I don't even know them. And if something is wrong with the meal, you can bet your sweet bippy that the first words out of their mouths will be "I'm a paying customer..." You're not fooling anyone with your touchy-feely little buzzword. What's so wrong with being a customer, anyway? When did that word acquire a negative connotation? I'm not a "guest" of Sprint long distance. I'm a (frustrated, dissatisfied) customer. Stop being so PC! Just stop it!

5. People who try to buy my hair or guilt me into cutting it off and donating it. Let me tell you something, you sanctimonious dickhead. I volunteer once a month at Gatorland zoo to help care for injured animals and clean the poop out of various enclosures. Before I got too anemic to be eligible I donated more gallons of blood than you have brain cells. I still regularly donate plasma. And I've been a member of Chemoangels for three years. How dare you insinuate that I'm selfish for not wanting to cut my hair off!? Annoying me does not count as volunteer work. You're not making the world a better place. You're just pissing me off. If Locks of Love is so dear to your heart then shut up, grow your own hair out, and cut it off. Preferably at the neck.

Have a great night and thanks for reading.

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