October 19, 2001
Midnight in the Garden of Pee and Old Appliances
I'm so damn 
So Aph woke me up because she had to pee. That should be pretty simple. It usually goes something like this: Aph needs to pee = Nicole staggers outdoors, carries her down the stairs and shivers in the cold while Aph does her thing.
This evening it was more of an adventure. I don't like adventures at 1am. I don't want to have an adventure at 1am. At least, not unless it involves a certain d-lander and some whipped cream. Yeah, that's right, I'm talking about you! But I digress. First, she insisted on trying to bring out the bazillion-year-old rawhide chew that she unearthed while I was cleaning/packing. (I swear I saw the fossilized remains of an ancient civilization in that thing!) So we had a one-sided conversation that went a little something like this: No, Aph. That stays here. Aph! No, sweetie. Leave it here. Aph... drop it. Drop iiiit. Good girrrl. I finally won the battle of the chew bone and we left it on my bed where it will undoubtedly get all gooey from Aph's relentless gnawing and I'll wake up in the morning to find it stuck to my leg and Aph growling at it. We got outside and Aph was looking for just the right spot to pee. I'm standing there freezing and listening to... well, nothing really since I'm the only idiot standing out in the backyard at 1am. Even squirrels aren't that crazy. A few minutes later Aph comes trotting over, refreshed and oddly excited. She's found a tennis ball. She wants to play fetch-the-ball. (Yes. My blind dog plays fetch. Playing fetch with Aph is one of the weirder experiences in my life.)I convinced her that this was neither the time nor place for a rousing game of our version of fetch-the-ball. I figured I was home free. Mere seconds away from returning to my warm, soft bed. Then Aph caught scent of the old dryer under the deck. She's got some sort of bizarre relationship with it. She likes to run under there and lean against it companionably. It takes an act of God to convince her to come out. So next thing I know I'm crawling around under my deck in the wee hours of the morning so I can gather up my neurotic dog. I'm going back to bed. Goodnight, all.
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