August 21, 2005

Blue

I'm so damn

Note: This isn't directed at any of you. It's not directed at anyone who reads this. I just have to pour it out before it drowns me.

Why is it so hard for you to just let me be sad? When you've needed me, I've always been there with open arms and a shoulder for you to cry on. Can't you give me the same comforts? Stop telling me that I'm strong, that I don't need him. Stop trying to make me whole when I feel so broken. I'm still the same person. I'm not going to break down or fade away. I promise. But you're not helping when you tell me I'm usually so strong and optimistic. And you're not helping when you try to set me up with every single guy and gal you know. Please just let me be sad. Let me cry. Let me miss him. Let me mourn the future I thought we'd share.

And while we're on the subject, stop telling me that a friendship between us won't work. We were friends before we became lovers and that friendship never died. Of course it's hard to reconcile my broken heart with my love for someone who is a dear friend. But in case you haven't noticed, very few things in this life that are worth having come easy.

In other news, the first treatment to break down the kidney stone didn't work. It's fairly small, but it's a stubborn little bugger. I'm going to have the treatment again. If the second treatment doesn't work I may just let them do the surgery. The hospital's one of my best paying per diem jobs and right now I can't work there because they know what's going on. I need this stone to go off on it's merry way so I can get back to work. I'm faking healthy at my other job. Unless a sudden scream emerges from the ladies room, they shall remain none the wiser.

On the bright side? Monster.com is a great site for job hunting. It helps you create your resume and hosts it for you, all for free. You can search jobs and just hit the 'Apply' button to send them all your details. They even have templates to help you write a good cover letter. I've started the interview process for a couple of full-time jobs I found through Monster. My goal is to move into the apartment I fell in love with in January. Assuming I can start one of the FT jobs I've applied for next month I'll be able to afford it no problem. It's in a gated community, has a swimming pool and a laundry room, utilities included AND welcomes pets. All for $550 a month! My only extra expense will be my cable modem. At least until they figure out a way to hook the internet directly into my veins. Heh.

Have a great weekend and thanks for reading.

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