10 January 2006


I'm so damn The current mood of augustdreams at www.imood.com

If you're prepared to be disturbed (and laugh too, these guys are funny as hell) read the moviejuice.com review of this movie: Hostel

Sweet, fancy Moses! I can't believe... well, no. Wait. I CAN believe that Quentin Tarantino would slap his name on that steaming pile of cinematic crapola. He's one of the more talented directors out there, but the guy would put his name on anything for a buck, including Martha Stewart's ass. (Okay, that mental picture is going to give me nightmares.)

It's well-known that I adore horror movies. Can't get enough of 'em. The cheesier and gorier the better. Especially the 80s stuff. From "Return of the Living Dead III" to "Hellraiser" and all it's godawful-but-good-fun sequels to "Freddy vs. Jason" and "C.H.U.D." - but twisted, horror loving gal that I am, I still have zero desire to see real human misery depicted on the silver screen and trying to justify it's mean-spirited existence by calling itself horror.

My rules for a horror movie are pretty simple. Entertain me. Gross me out. Make me laugh. Give me those pure, machine evil blood-draining silver balls from "Phantasm" and I'll cheer while I scarf my popcorn. Give me the gooey werewolf transformations scenes from "The Howling" and I'll applaud with glee. Give me demons, zombies and supernatural slashers (Oh, my!), and give me gallons of Karo syrup and fake intestines.

But keep some actress playing a torture victim begging a guy to cut off her dangling eyeball the fuck off my screen! That is not horror. And it's not entertainment. Here's my policy: If I can see the shit on the six 'o clock news, I don't want to see it in a horror movie.

Now, I know it's not REAL. And I've nothing against anyone who enjoys that kind of movie. "Saw" was a huge hit and I think it's sequel did fairly well too. Nothing wrong with that. But it's not for me. And honestly, I can't imagine anyone enjoying something like "Hostel" - which clearly lacks even a plot to make up for all the gratuitous sadism.

The only thing that disturbs me more than this movie's existence is the fact that it'll probably make a lot of money.

End rant.

Have a great Tuesday and thanks for reading.

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