September 09, 2005

Healing

I'm so damn

Almost 3 in the morning. I had to sleep off a migraine this afternoon so now of course I can't fall asleep. I went to the Velvet Revolver concert Tuesday night at the Hard Rock Cafe here in Orlando. It was a benefit show, one-hundred percent of the profits went to the Red Cross in NOLA and Biloxi. They had Brian Johnson from AC/DC there as a special guest and he sang "Been a long time since I rock and rolled" which kicked ass. He still looks/sounds the same as he did twenty years ago! They put on a great show, and I'm glad it was for such a good cause.

I'm leaving tomorrow to spend the weekend with a girlfriend. She's been really sweet and understanding about all the pain/sadness my break-up with M. has caused me. She only recently asked me if we could add snuggly, physical lovin' to our friendship. I was honest with her about being Rebound Girl at the moment. More importantly, I'm being honest with myself. I know that one of the reasons I agreed was because I really need that kind of closeness right now. But that wasn't the only reason. If I didn't also love and care about her, I wouldn't even consider getting involved in that way. She's not a "replacement" for M. One person can't simply replace another in your heart. But she and I share the same views on love and sex. As long as everyone's being safe and nobody's being lied to, I see no reason why close friendships can't include sharing physical affection. I know the majority of people consider that immoral, especially since I happen to share that kind of relationship with more than one person. But I have room for more than one person in my heart. And hell, I've never cared what the moral majority thinks of me before, so why start now? Heh.

Speaking of the break-up, it's getting better. I don't feel so weighed down by sadness anymore. I still get hit unexpectedly by waves of sorrow, but they only knock me off my feet now. They don't drown me and leave me crying. One of the things that's helped is music. Music has always been important to me. At first, I couldn't stand hearing a sad song. I'd change stations on the car stereo, jamming the button so hard I'm surprised the damned thing didn't break. But lately, those sad songs seem to help me heal rather than making me feel worse. So I wanted to share a piece of the lyrics to one of those songs. I hope nobody out there reading this is coping with a broken heart but if you are, maybe it'll help. Or at least make you feel less alone.

Love Affair
k.d. Lang

skies without stars
all the nights without you
I watch the world
from a room without a view
for you left me
with so few memories
I could close my eyes and cling to
just a fading photograph
I'd sometimes sink to

all those smiles unexplored
all the words left unsaid
we strung our dreams
on and all to slender thread
for you left me
with so few memories
I could close my eyes and cling to
just a half-remembered tune
I'd sometimes sing to

Have a great weekend and thanks for reading.

P.S. Thank you, my lovely Mangofarmer! Your postcard arrived yesterday and it made my day. I promise to send you something in the snail mail soon.

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