July 27, 2003

Bad things

I'm so damn

I apologize in advance for all the cursing. It honestly makes me feel better, and gets some of the anger out. I was getting supplies in the supply closet at work today when this older guy who works there grabbed me by my hair, pushed me against the wall, and started kissing me. I had to FIGHT this motherfucker off. He had his tongue all over my face and kept trying to pull my shirt off. One of the other female employees walked in, and he jumped away from me, so I knocked him off balance and ran out. It was really disgusting, and scary. The guy's got to be in his 60's but he's he was a fuck of a lot bigger than I am. I wanted to do a whole lot more than just knock him off balance. I wanted to rip his throat out.

I could have had them call the police, but I have no witnesses and all I wanted to do was shower and change. I don't want to describe it to another stranger, the way I had to for our security, and I sure as fuck don't want anyone checking to see if he left any marks on me, and I don't want to see his family or deal with a court case.

What is wrong with this world? I feel like I'll never get the chance to heal. This wound keeps being ripped open. I know it's not my fault in my head, but it's very hard to keep from feeling like it's something I've done when it's happened more than once. I wish Mr. Right was here. I need him so much right now. I just want to feel safe.

They offered me the rest of the week off, but I'm going back tomorrow. I won't let what happened make me afraid of going to work. Besides, the Anteater would worry about me.

Sometimes I feel like there is no more room inside me for this kind of pain. I swear I'll kill the next person who touches me.

Please don't worry about me. I'm okay. I just need to find some way to feel safe. I couldn't do any more than I already do to prevent this sort of thing. I need to get some sleep.

Thanks for reading, hope your night is good.

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