June 14 2001

Monstrous

I'm so damn

I love Halloween. In fact, I think it's time to have us some Halloween in June. So, today I thought I'd write about monsters. There sure are lots of them. And that's not counting my fifth grade music teacher. Some of them you really wouldn't want to get pissed off. Here are a few I'd rather not get on the bad side of:

Dracula: Okay, so the guy can show up looking slick, spouting poetry and carrying roses. He still only wants one thing. And it's not your virginity.

The Blob: People laugh at the Blob but damn, that's some angry ectoplasm. Getting engulfed by what basically amounts to sentient Jell-O is pretty high up on my list of ways I don't want to buy the farm.

The Mummy: This one's iffy. Your old school Mummies were pretty slow. You could escape just by walking at a moderate pace. The new Mummy, however, will kick your ass nine different ways before turning you into a dry husk.

Wolfman: This guy scares me because you can't reason with him. The more verbose bad guys will give long speeches about how they're planning to kick your bucket and some of them will even make a deal with you if you offer up a hapless friend as an alternative victim. But the Wolfman just wants to eat your head. Never try to bargain with a monster that licks it's own ass.

Have a great night!

previous | next

miss something?