May 17 2001

Zombie Movie Wisdom

I'm so damn The current mood of augustdreams at

Everything I need to know about life I learned watching zombie movies:

If the house you're looking at has the basement or attic door boarded up like it's the farmhouse from Night of the Living Dead, you might want to have the realtor show you a few other places.

If your house or any object within it begins to speak at all, just cut your losses and move the fuck out.

If a friend of yours suddenly begins to giggle maniacally and talk about swallowing your soul, don't ask them what's wrong. Just run. Run like the wind!

No matter what they promise you, undead things from your basement, other dimensions, graveyards, or even the local supermarket are NOT your friends. Undead = bad. Mmmmkay?

You simply cannot have too many power tools lying around in case of zombie attacks.

Zombies love farms. They've been known to skulk around cornfields, posing as scarecrows and giggling to themselves while waiting for some poor, hapless farmer to come along. Farmers have been known to launch themselves into a low Earth orbit upon being startled by a zombie.

In other news, tomorrow night is my date with Costa. I'm reading "Isaac's Storm" and it's excellent. I'm nearly halfway through the book and the Hurricane has yet to hit Galveston but the build-up is so tense and well written that I haven't been bored for a second. There's a sense of impending doom even in paragraphs that focus on the color and texture of the clouds. Now that's good writing!

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