March 28, 2005

Sad news

I'm so damn The current mood of augustdreams at www.imood.com

I've been trying to figure out if I want to write about this. I don't know what to write, or even how to feel about it. I hadn't seen my friend Joe for close to seven years. But we were really close at one point. We did LARP together, spent a lot of weekends hanging out, talking, cuddling, laughing at stupid, private jokes and at people who assumed we were more than just friends. We weren't. We never felt that way about each other. It was just a warm, snuggly kind of friendship.

I found out recently that he overdosed on prescription drugs. They think it was suicide. It may have been accidental, but given the fact that he took the whole bottle, probably not. I hadn't seen him in a long time, but it hurts to know he's gone. I wish I'd known he was hurting so much. I would have tried to help. I wish we'd stayed in touch better. I've always had plans to go back up to MA and spend a weekend with my old friends, at the LARP site. Dress up in our old costumes and run around the woods playing pretend. I still plan to do that. Even more so now. But I can't picture Joe not being there.

Please, if anyone reading this is ever hurting so much that you're thinking of taking your own life, know that there's someone out there who cares about you. Someone who loves you, even if it's been a long time since they told you that, even if you haven't seen them for years. I know life can be hard, and painful, and sometimes the pain can feel unbearable. But the world keeps turning. The moon still hangs in the sky. The grass is still green. Things get better. But that can't happen if you don't stick around long enough for the tide to turn.

If you ever feel like giving up, please talk to someone first. Hell, write to me. Even if I don't know you. I promise I'll respond. Just don't give up. Don't leave the people who love you to miss you, and mourn you, and feel like they failed you. Tell life to kiss your ass, and just keep going. Keep hanging on. Things always change, it's the nature of the world. And they can't always change for the worse. Sooner or later, they have to change for the better. You just have to stay around long enough for it to happen.

I love you guys. Whether we've met and hung out in person, or if we have to wrap words, rather than our arms, around each other. I love you, and I'm proud to call you my friends. Thank you for that, and for reading.

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