December 22, 2003

Twisted Christmas Carol

I'm so damn

A Twisted Christmas song for fans of Bruce Campbell and the "Evil Dead" movies:
Sing to the tune of 'Frosty the Snowman'

Ash, the S-Mart employee
Was a brave and put-upon soul
With a missing hand and heroic chin
And Deadites after his soul

Ash, the S-Mart employee
Traveled back in time, they say
He saved the world from Deadite rule
And kicked Skeleton ass all day

There must have been some magic
In the Necronomicon that he found
For when they he read some passages
The dead came up from under the ground

Ash, the S-Mart employee
is the swellest guy around
Spouting one-liners at his enemies
and cutting zombies down

Ash, the S-Mart employee
Broke into two sides not long ago
He had to face off against Evil Ash
and finally vanquished his undead foe

Down through the village
With his boomstick in his hand
Running here and there all around the square
Saying swallow my soul if you can

He chased skeletens around a medieval town
Determined the good guys would win
And he only paused one moment to
admire his very strong chin

Ash, the S-Mart employee
Keeps umimaginable evil at bay
But don't you worry, he'll still be there
In S-Mart's Housewares every day

Thumpety thump thump
Thumpety thump thump
If you're trapped by zombies in the mall...
Thumpety thump thump
Thumpety thump thump
Just give Ash a call!

With apologies to any non-fans, who won't get this, and to fans of Frosty.

Happy Holidays and thanks for reading!

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